


An Ordinary Night Out

by Titanmaster_117



Category: Re:ゼロから始める異世界生活 | Re:Zero Starting Life in Another World (Anime)
Genre: And everyone knows this, Arc 5 Spoilers, Arc 7 spoilers(?), Chaos, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Emilia is going to have an aneurysm, False Royal Election Candidate spoilers, Random & Short, Randomness, Short One Shot, Sloth If spoilers, Subaru can't take one step, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing, What Could Possibly Go Wrong?, What Was I Thinking?, Without getting caught in some crazy adventure, arc 6 spoilers, everything, everything can go wrong, guys night out, notice the contradiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-18 13:14:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29118816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Titanmaster_117/pseuds/Titanmaster_117
Summary: Just a night out with the boys. What can possibly go wrong?Knowing Subaru, a lot...
Comments: 19
Kudos: 65





	An Ordinary Night Out

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Reactionist](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reactionist/gifts), [victoriousdragon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/victoriousdragon/gifts), [returnbydeath](https://archiveofourown.org/users/returnbydeath/gifts), [subaryu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/subaryu/gifts), [blarcington](https://archiveofourown.org/users/blarcington/gifts).



"Are you sure that you'll be alright?"

Subaru just gave Emilia a bright smile and a thumbs up as he, Beatrice, Otto, Garfiel, Clind, Reinhard, Julius, Ferris, Ricardo (Or, as Subaru and the others had taken to calling him, Dogman the Bodyman) and even Felt stood next to the ever elegant Patrasche as she towed a simplistic carriage behind her, all of them with a look of merriment on them as her knight smiled and said, "Ah, do you worry, Emilia-tan! Stress like that will just give you wrinkles!"

"I thought that it was smiling that gave you wrinkles?" Felt asked.

"Well, if that were true, then Emilia-tan would be covered in- Oh god no, stop! I don't want to think about it!"

Emilia just shook her head in amusement at her knights antics. He had only just got back and recovered from the chaos that he had caused over in the Vollachia Empire (Which was just something else entirely, and so soon after the Pleiades Watchtower fiasco, and everything that had happened in Priestella, and- Oh gods, what was their life right now?

Anyways, after all of that, her knight Subaru had decided that he needed to go out on a 'Guys night out', whatever that even meant, as a break, and after making sure that dear Rem, as well as that strange girl that had, as Subaru would say, 'Spawned' in the Watchtower-

The girl in question had strangely become very attached to Subaru. She had heard the others, including Frederica and even Crusch of all people, joking that the 'Lolimancer' had acquired another loli for his collection. She must figure out what that means one day.

-Were all alright, he had invited as many of their rival camps' knights, his male friends within her own camp, being Clind, Otto, and Garfiel, and even invited Beatrice and Felt, the former because she wanted to make sure that Subaru's gate was properly healed after the madness of Vollachia, and the latter because, in her worlds, 'I've never been so bleeping bored in my life, and I need something to do before Reinhard drives me bleeping crazy all over again!"

She didn't actually say 'Bleeping', though.

Emilia didn't like swearing.

Still though, Emilia couldn't help but worry. He'd been through so much already, and he always had that annoying habit of keeping it to himself and never discussing it, even though everyone around him could tell that something was always bothering him, just like now, but, as always, he waved it off with yet another thumbs up, and went, "Aw, Emilia-tan's worrying about me! That fills my heart with so much joy that it might just explode!"

Next to him, Beatrice looked up at him and almost, "Subaru shouldn't say that stuff when his heart nearly did explode, I suppose! This is the reason that I wanted to stay near my dumb contractor, in fact!"

"Betty's right-"

"There are only 2 people allowed to all Betty that and you aren't one of them, I suppose."

"-The reason that I worry about you is because you say stuff like that!" Emilia said with a pout, "And then that stuff almost happens! Multiple times! Goodness gracious, sometimes it feels like my troublesome knight can't walk a single foot without getting caught up in some life-threatening adventure!"

"Ow, Emilia-tan, ow," Subaru smiled, "If I wasn't any better, I would say that you think I can't even go out without causing some kind of trouble."

…

"Yes. That is exactly what I am saying."

"OW! Right in my fragile heart!"

"Subaru should not be saying this stuff in front of Betty, I suppose! Or at all, in fact!"

"Don't you worry, Miss Emilia," behind him, the ever reliable Otto said with a nod and a reassuring smile, "We won't let anything happen to Natsuki while we're with him."

Next to him, Garfiel grinned as well, "Hell yeah! An' now that Otto-Bro's said it, we can all blame 'im if anythin' goes wrong!"

"Wait, what?! Why me?!"

Clind ignored the friendly argument between the 2 and stepped forward, "Ah, we shall be fine on our own for a while, Miss Emilia," before looking down at Felt, "And with our gregarious company present-"

A hand clamped his shoulder, and the lolicon (Whenever Emilia asked what the difference between that or a Lolimancer was, they always told her to wait until she was older, whatever that meant) Looked behind himself to see Felt's knight, the Sword Saint Reinhard giving him his friendliest, yet also not friendliest, smile as he then said, "I'm sorry, but I will have to ask you to not do that, okay?"

"O-Okay, message received..."

"Nyah, don't intimidate him, Reinhard, it's just in his nyature!" Ferris purred out next to him, before looking down at the floor and going, "Though I don't kynow how I feel about leaving Crusch's side for even a myoment. She's still really sick from all of that black dragon blood..."

"And yet, did I not also make it an order for you to relax when you refused my suggestion?" came the sickly, yet still strong voice of Crusch next to her as she was wheeled out on a wheelchair (Another one of Subaru's nifty ideas) By one of her attendants, Wilhelm off on a trip to his wife's resting place as she had told him to take the day off as well.

Ferris looked at her with a concerned look, and said, "Well, yes, but-"

"Ferris, you've already done so much for me already. I would hate to see you burn yourself out if you don't take out a day for yourself..."

"Yeah, listen to your lady, Ferris," Subaru gently reprimanded to him, "You've been working harder than anyone else here. If anyone here deserves a day off, it's you."

Emilia wanted to say something about that, but decided not to. That would be a conversation for another time.

Next to Ferris, Julius patted the Demi Human on his shoulder, "Ferris, you are allowed to look after yourself, every now and then..."

"...Oh, alright then," Ferris mumbled out, before pointing to everyone present and going, "But if anything happens while I'm gyone, then that's you, not mye!"

Everyone else just laughed, and Subaru then, in that typical hyped up tone of his, just shouted out, "Trust me, everything! We're going to get out there, and have the time of our lives!"

Next to him, Emilia pouted again, "I should very much hope that you do not! The last thing we all need are any scurrilous rumours being made about us because of any antics that you pull!"

Everyone just looked at her-

"What?"

-And collectively though, _'Scurrilous'? Who even says that anymore?_

* * *

"Hmmm..."

They hadn't come back, yet.

"Hmmmmmmm..."

They still hadn't come back yet.

"Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..."

And, once more, they still hadn't come back, yet.

"Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-"

"Aw, relax, Emilia. Yer need to stop worryin' so much," Anastatia said next to her as she, Crush, Emilia, and the recently arrived Priscilla from Vollachia as well, sat in a garden home in the Roswall estate, Petra and Ram walking off with a pair of empty trays as nearby, Meili played with Petra, the little girl that Subaru and Rem had called Louis, and the little red scorpion known as Shaula as the 4 Royal Election Candidates looked over them in amusement, whilst nearby Annerose also kept an eye on them as their unofficial governess for the time being. Anastatia continued, "So they're a few minutes later than they'd said they'd be. That ain't somethin' to fret so much about. I don't know much 'bout Julius, but I know that he won't let 'em get into too much trouble," next to her seat, the fox spirit known as Echidna (Not the Witch herself, but an artificial spirit clone without her memories) Pushed herself into her free hand for a stroke, whilst with her other hand, she...

She mixed takoyaki with bean dip.

Everyone kept an appropriate distance from her.

"Her food tastes aside, Miss Hoshin is correct," the still sickly Crusch said to them as she sipped from her teacup, and then said to her, "Our knights are very capable, and Miss Felt can hold her own as well, just like she and Miss Beatrice did against Gluttony back in Priestella."

"Indeed," next to them, Priscilla agreed with them, which was a startling thing at first, even before she added in, "And that boy that you made your knight, for whatever reason that might be... He will be able to handle himself very well."

This... Caused the others to pause. Ever since she had returned from whatever she had been up to in Vollachia, she had been... Humble. Or at least, more humble that she was before. Something had happened in her home kingdom, and no one knew what.

What exactly had happened in Vollachia?

And what did Subaru have to do with it?

"Disregarding such trivial concerns, what has happened to the throne since I gracefully left its fleeting presence. I assume that everyone was so mournful for my departure that they wept and lacerated themselves, no?"

And, she's back.

"No, nothing of the sort," Crusch added in with, "I've been busy trying to heal from..." she paused, and held a hand up, the black veins ugly and prominent, "This, and also reading about my past through my journals- Apparently I once fought against someone called Miles, and knew someone called... What was it? Fontaine? Fortune? No, Fourier. That's who it was. I must ask Ferris about him one day..." lowering her arm, she then gestured to both Emilia and Anastasia and said, "These 2 have been busying themselves with conquering the Pleiades Watchtower. I know not what Miss Felt has been doing in the meantime, since she delivered the Archbishop of Wrath to her prison, but I can assure you that we will not be having a repeat of... What was it again? The Melty incident?"

Priscilla nodded at the memory that Crusch did not have, "I should hope so. That was enough of a debacle as it was. I shan't stand for another," she smiled and pressed a hand against her chest, "Then again, perhaps luck will fall into my hands once more. It has done in the past."

And then, she looked up into the sky.

"I can only hope that it shall do again..."

"..."

The others weren't sure what to say about that.

Soon, Emilia went to say something, "Um, Priscilla, what exactly happened in-"

"I see that the Lolimancer has added another one to his collection," Priscilla swiftly changed the subject with as she gestured to the playing children nearby, playing tag with the little red scorpion as she then said, "I swear, his little harem of lolis is growing larger by the... Day..."

She looked up, and blinked.

"I assume that we should be worried about that."

Everyone blinked, and Anastasia piped up with, "Um, you mean about the Lolimancer's loli harem?"

Emilia blinked in confusion. Seriously, what did any of that mean?

"Well yes," Priscilla said as she pointed upwards, "But also that."

Everyone blinked, and then looked up as Emilia asked, "What in Mother Fortuna's good name are you... Oh."

Oh, it was a rapidly approaching fireball.

…

Oh, it was a rapidly approaching fireball.

"GET DOWN!" Crusch cried out to everyone around them as they all ducked, just as-

{KA-BOOM}

-The fireball crashed right into the middle of the estate, kicking up a torrent of dirt and mud, before it all faded away and the fires cooled off, only for the fireball to reveal itself as-

_A carriage?_

Not just any carriage, but a carriage that immediately fell apart and folded away to reveal...

The entire 'Guy's night out' gang, huddled together and shaking like a pack of new-born earth dragons, with Patrasche crowded right in the middle of them with a pair of goggles and what Subaru had called a 'Flame thrower' on her back.

"...Um, what just-"

Suddenly-

"AH, AH, HELP! I'M ON FIRE! MY AMAZIN' SELF IS ON FIRE!"

-A giant ball of fur and fire leapt out of the group and-

{SPLASH}

-Jumped right into the water fountain nearby.

{FIZZLE}

"Ah, s'much bett'r..." a nude Garfiel covered in paint, soot and what looked like salsa dip sighed out as he floated, butt up, in the fountain, Frederica at least doing her part to try and fish him out of the fountain as Ram covered his rear end with a handkerchief, whilst nearby-

"Quick, gang up on her!"

"How dare you! I am the literal Great Spirit of Murder, and I will not allow you animals to-"

"Get her crystal ball!"

"No, don't you dare touch my light sphere!"

"Break it!"

"Don't you dare break it!"

-A tuxedo wearing Julius, a Ferris with a shaved tail and wearing a fake moustache, a hatless Otto covered in dirt insects and a cat, and a very shaved Ricardo (For some reason) Were busy playing tug-of-war over a floating crystal ball with a white-haired woman in a green, white, and black kimono, whilst-

"Don't worry, captain! Mimi will defeat the nasty woman like Mimi did the White Whale!"

-Mimi, for some strange reason since none of them remembered Subaru inviting her (They must've picked her up whilst they were out and about) Continued to jump up and down on her head like it was a trampoline, as next to them-

"Yo, Mr Mabeast! I want a divorce!"

-Felt, who, for some reason, was wearing a wedding dress, was running away from a Guiltylowe mabeast who had a very concussed Clind in its jaw, as Patrasche chased after the mabeast in a circle with a frazzled looking Reinhard riding on her back, which was weird because one would think that, for all of his divine protections, he would have one against looking frazzled.

All in all, it was chaos all around.

And then, the 4 royal candidates who had only just picked themselves off of the ground, looked up and spotted a very familiar person walking up to them with what looked like a barely clothed woman slung over his shoulder.

Or should it be her shoulder?

"Hey girls! How's it been without us?"

"...Subaru," Emilia slowly began, "Why are you wearing a dress?"

"Excuse me, it's Miss Natsumi Schwarz to you!"

"...Okay," Emilia amended, "Another question."

"What is it, my dear Emilia-tan?"

"What exactly... Happened... While you were gone?"

"Oh, well, er, first there was that encounter with the nine generals of Vollachia, which was just a mess in of itself, and then we had to foil that Witch Cult plot, which almost got Felt married off to someone else, and Reinhard was not happy about that," he fidgeted the girl slung across his shoulder for good measure, "Oh, I found Capella, by the way."

"Put me down, you worthless meatbag!" Capella yelled out from behind him, "This lovely lady does not support these actions against this lovely lady!"

"Hey, shut it!" Subaru- Sorry, 'Schwarz' yelled out to the Sin Archbishop of Lust as he-

{SMACK}

"OW!"

-Smacked her on the bum as he then went, "And there is a fresh one if you mouth off again..."

(Emilia felt like that was one of his references, but she was blanking on it).

"Ah, I'm sorry, this lovely lady won't do it again!" Capella yelled out, before shifting her head around to look at the 4 candidates with a very sexually aroused look on her face and mouthing 'This lovely lady's going to do it again'.

And, out of all of this chaos, one of the candidates- Emilia didn't know which one- Asked, "Um, where's Beatrice?"

"Up here."

Everyone looked up, and then saw Beatrice, dressed in one of those tiny school uniforms with the stop sign that Subaru had sown once, and with balloons tied around her wrists and ankles, leaving her floating carelessly in the air as she just gave the world a blank 'I am so done with everything' look.

"This is not how Betty imagined her night going, I suppose..."

Emilia looked to Subaru, and then to Beatrice, then to the naked Garfiel being treated for burns, to the group still playing tug-of-war with the apparent Great Spirit of Murder, to Felt being chased by a mebeast being chased by a Patrashe-riding Reinhard, all the way back to Subaru.

"Subaru."

"Yes, Emilia-tan?"

"We are never letting you out of our sight ever again."

The other 3 candidates just nodded, """Agreed."""

"Wha- Aw, dammit..."

"...So does this mean that I'm being punished now?"

"Shut up, Capella."


End file.
